16th June 2011

         I dont want to be writing this. I have been through a total plethora of emotions today, worry, anger, sadness and sorrow.

        But let me start at the point to lead up to this On 15th may I’d worked on a jaguar set to have it ready for visit pick up. It was done, I wrote an awesome friend talked about the guy Balentine, getting a stay and was really excited thinking my friend was going to get a stay too! (Lee Taylor) Deep Sigh!!

         I finished writing in a really good mood and went to read my book, now this was all technically starte on the 14th because I’m a night owl, I enjoy peace and quiet to focus and do stuff, anyway, as the night wears on breakfast comes and goes eggs and buiskets yum. I read on all the while thinking in my head about 3 things 1. Getting these drawings out and into property for my visit of the 16th 2. Getting my level 2 property and containers as Ive been level 2 for over a week since the 9th and 3. Once again trying to get some help because as I have said on the hand restraints. When I say I am being tortured I mean it. I have bruises and marks on both hands that do not go away where the hand cuffs are cutting into my flesh. The day goes on the only thing I get is my property picked up but at least I got that. As I am excited about a visit and I will be able to be there with my friend and not say a forever goodbye but a good bye, or so I thought (you’ll see keep reading) I crash out around 1.30p, then get up at just before 8pm as the officers ask me for a shower yes-well they have to wait on a Sgt. So almost 2 hours roll around finally a Sgt. Shows up Mr. Beverly the one I punched in the face- Well we go to shower come back, I talk with the Sgt everythings cool, we had already talked the day before also now on into the night I write my friend and go and read– Oops now breakfast of the 16th june was eggs and buiskets, the day before was pancakes, anyway I tell the officers hey I got a visit today can I please have an early shower before my visit at around 9.30ish is when I expected it, well it gets going around 7am I go to shower and come back and I wait well I’ve been up all the nite so I’m starting to get alittle sleepy so around 8.30am Iput my book down and lay down to take a little nap.

         I woke up around 9.15am cuz the gate pops, the officers are just doing a walk through, ok still a little time I’l just lay back down and wait, Well I fall back to sleep and now it’s 10.15am when I woke up, and as soon as I see the time I get worried! Now I’m up, they come with lunch, hamburger patty mash potato’s and green beans, I’ll eat a few bites to hold me until visit. A little after 11 I get mad, they have slow bucked on me all the while I keep hoping they will show up. I hear people come and go on the pod but nothing for me 12. 0′clock 12.30 its too late hes gone, they have taken him! I am hurt, I just wanted to be there with my friend and say good bye, 1- 1.20pm rolls around I’m crushed My visitor was denied. I know it cuz they (rank) was worried I’d do something. So they just took my visit. Im tired I’ll deal with it later. Just before 7pm someone calls my name Yeah! I holler. “They got Tiny!” (Lee Taylor) I didn’t say anything I’m stunned he was supposed to get a stay “Did you hear me I said Tiny! He said again. I force myself to reply yeah I heard you I heard you. I just laid down and tried to go back to sleep, I couldn’t I was just like numb I felt nothing yet I felt everything all at the same time, so I laid there and started talking to Tiny “Man you were supposed to get a stay” (tears) Damn it Hold on I cant see I’m crying!) Anyway I talked alittle more and just laid there, then I heard this whistle kind of far away a weird whistle almost like a bird and I just thought of Tiny, like I knew it was him somehow and then as I laid in bed I could hear someone’s radio and the sone was creep by Radio head, great song, I Like it a lot, anyway As Im listening to it and singing along Its over some other good song comes on, and I was like ohhhhhhhhh Tiny’s playing some good tunes now lol, but the words from the creep song that stuck in my head were “I dont belong here” (tears) Dam it hold on I cant see again) Tiny believed in spiritualism and reincarnation well I was teasing him, hed come back as a grasshopper cuz he ate one, and he tried to get me too but I didn’t so he talked me into eating a yellow jacket instead, I know I know, shut up, but anyway as I was crying I thought about that and I started laughing “Tiny your not going to be a grasshopper your going to be a bird that eats grasshoppers,” as I thought about that bird sound I had heard earlier and then the song so maybe just maybe its true or its what my mind wants to be true or whatever but I have peace and I’m ok still hurts to lose a friend (tears again) but its ok, as my friend Mark says, I’m Ok your Ok! Its from some book he read a long time ago.

           Anyway Tiny you free now No more of this hell No more pain, sorrow none of the things that bind us here anymore. I really feel you are free to see the universe vast, open and wide, go enjoy bro—Il miss you my friend and I’ll always love you.
Will Speer